Stress: what it is, and why not all of it is bad

Stress is not a bad word and it is not a character flaw. It is simply what happens when something in front of you feels bigger than what you feel able to handle at that moment. Everybody meets it, at every age.

It helps to notice that it arrives in more than one form, because the thing that helps is different for each.

Sometimes the load is physical. Too much housework, standing for too long, pain or stiffness that will not settle, too little sleep, or simply doing more in a day than the body had in it.

What the body wants here is movement, not punishment. A few shoulder rolls, some slow neck and ankle movement, a proper stretch and a few deep breaths will do more than pushing through will.

Often there is nothing in front of you at all, and the whole thing is running in your head. What will happen to the children. What will happen to my health. Nobody listens to me any more. I am not the person I used to be.

Worry about people you love, a house that has gone quiet, friends you have lost, the feeling of being less useful than you were: these weigh a great deal, and they weigh more when carried alone.

The two are not separate, and this catches people out. When the mind feels under pressure, the body answers: the heart goes faster, breathing shortens, shoulders and jaw tighten, sleep breaks up, digestion changes.

It is why you can say quite honestly that nothing has happened today, and still be exhausted by evening. Nothing did happen. You were carrying something anyway.

Here is the part that surprises people. There is a word for stress that does you good: eustress. The nervousness before you go on stage, the flutter before a wedding, the excitement before a journey, the challenge of learning something new, the small thrill of a competition. Your body is doing many of the same things it does under bad stress. What differs is the meaning it carries and whether you feel able to meet it.

So the goal is not to strip life back until nothing is happening. Too little going on leaves people flat and disengaged, and that does its own harm. Too much overwhelms. Somewhere in between is where you feel awake, interested and alive, and that is the place worth aiming for.

This is general wellbeing guidance, not medical advice. If low mood, worry or sleeplessness has been with you for weeks, or is getting in the way of ordinary life, please talk to your doctor.